Bathroom stalls

   It is difficult to love people when they don't know that you do. (I sound like the love-sick 14 year old version of myself. This is oh so different than it used to be. haha)

I mean, how do you interfere into people's lives? People who I watch with hope. People who I pray for. People who I watch. All without their knowing. Young girls in dangerous relationships. Men throwing themselves to things that will disintegrate sooner than they think. Taking risks with their lives. Except, it cannot rightly be called a "risk" because if they just looked around themselves, they would see the cause-and-effect law that has shaped the lives of countless before them. 

  Sometimes humans act proud of the fact that they "learn the hard way". You don't have to. Smart people are smart because they don't. It's not poetic or good for plot development. It hurts.

  I saw scrawled onto a bathroom wall next to confessions of love and hatred, "Follow your heart more."  I wonder what she meant. (I assume "she" because I was in the "she" stall.) Usually when people of my age group make statements like that they mean, "Be more spontaneous. Experiment. Don't think things through so much. " or, "Throw off your elder's recommendations. They are irrelevant now in this new season. Take a risk and give yourself to the "bad boy."

 

I always find it ironic that young people learn their lessons from the inside of bathroom stalls.

Perhaps this is the inside of a bathroom stall for me. I want to tell people to their face that I see the direction they are walking in. I am afraid that they will accuse me of judging them. (A Christian's worst fear. Lame. Some people die for what they believe.) 

They don't know that I love them. God, help me show them. Help me be bold.

ummm. no title today.

A friend of mine recently had a dream that some people in her life told her she had to go inside a building for a short time, but eventually she realized that they had trapped her there. She began to resist and in response they tried to put her in a straight jacket. Amazingly enough, at the season of life that she is in, the dream made perfect sense to her. 

Here was her interpretation: sometimes the pressures and expectations of life make demands on us, telling us to "fit in" and do everything the same way as everyone else. Unfortunately often when we resist, we are dubbed "crazy".

I remember between the age 17 - 18 I would regularly pray, "God, please don't let me have an average, normal life. I want more than the status quo."

On Saturday morning I will get out of my standard size bed that morning, feed my children their breakfast, and pretty much follow the same routine as I do each day. Small variations as always. Then I will head to Ocean Breeze where I will be trained to be a travel agent so that I can work a predictable job, from home and from the office. Lovely, eh? This fall I will also volunteer with the PG Interns discipleship school at our church. I'm very excited about all this. Where is this train heading? I'm thinking about how a passerby (even myself if I'm not careful) may view my life as average. Basement suite. Honda Civic. Cell phone. Sandals. Facebook. Hoodies. Dinner plans. 

Life is more than what is seen though, eh?

Sometimes I feel heavy clouds wanting to rest over me. No quitting permitted. My heart is not settling in a normal place, but is desiring truth and strength. As Pilate longingly asked Jesus, "What is truth?"

I think he was saying, "Please break through my meaninglessness and tell me that there is an answer. Everyone tells me that there are no absolutes and that I can interpret as I please. That makes the world one great uncertainty. Are You an absolute?"

I feel so grateful to this Heavenly Father who has draped His Righteousness coat over me. Lending me His so that I can learn to walk as I should. Following His movements. Oh, I am not normal. I can soar when all others are grounded. That's pretty powerful.