Thank you for the pain

This morning I took my boys to get their vaccinations. I had a friend join me, for which I am grateful, because each boy definitely needed their own set of arms for hugs.

I hate the look in their eyes as the needles are going in. Shock. Micah looked up at me like, "Why are you letting this happen?!" Giant eyes. Tears welling.

Samuel tucked his head down when it was his turn and hoped that by not looking it would not hurt. He still cried. Those little sobs, catching little breaths in between.

It is hard for me too, but not so hard because I know that in the end, this little bit of pain can protect them from a lot more of it. What I was just thinking about tonight was how proud of them I was when we were leaving. I said, "Okay, can you say 'thank you' to the lady?"

Both boys put their hand up to their mouth and said, "deh". This is their way of applying the sign language word for "thank you." Smiles. Waves. Thank you lady.

I think that I was starting to write about it because I was just proud of them and wanted to remember it, but then I realized a connection.

These last few months have been kind of painful. Not a sharp pain. Maybe a dull ache that I can totally forget about when I'm reading, or joking with friends, or chasing the boys around. A questioning of things that I never thought I'd ever question again. 

What are You really like? 

What are Your true intentions for us? 

Did I misinterpret those things You said way back then?

Giant eyes. Tears welling. "Why are you letting this happen?"

It's okay to cry when it hurts, I guess. That's normal enough. But...I still should say thank you when my Parent tells me to. I have a good Parent who wants good things for me. The pain won't last forever. I'm sure I'll forget by the time we get to the car.