Mutiny

I think that God has been chasing an area in my life, and until yesterday I didn't realize how much this area was driving me and guiding my choices. 

Growing up, I was never mocked or bullied. No one made fun of my ears or changed my name into words that would be an insult. My parents never abused me or neglected me. Yet, one part of my childhood has rooted itself into my adult heart and has grown to be a cruel, exaggerating dictator. I want to declare a mutiny, but I'm still unsure how to start.

 At least now I am aware that just because it has always been this way doesn't mean that the tyrant needs to remain in power. I serve a good God and He will be my motivation. Nothing else should call the shots, even if the end result is the same.

Fear should not be our master. Nor shame, guilt, or manipulation.

For instance, healthy eating habits are valuable. So is the ability to control my finances.  But, what voice is commanding my decisions?

"You are already too fat. If you eat that, it will become a downward spiral of weight gain." says Guilt and Manipulation.

The Voice of Wisdom may say, "That food has no nutritional value for you. Eat this instead."

Same result. Different motivation.

"You don't have enough money for that. If you buy it everyone will think that you're wasteful and indulgent. You're going to lose everything....." Fear drones on and on.

Or rather, "Why don't you pass on that one today. Pray for provision to afford it. Be generous instead. God will supply what you need and even more."

Again, could be the same result, but the root is fear or it is love.

Didn't realize that it could be broken down so simply for me. I wonder how many of us do the right things, but behind us is a snarling dog backing us into that door instead of the gentle hand of the Spirit guiding us.

Mutiny has been declared.